I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
