I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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