shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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