totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
