Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
