I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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