I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
