He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
