I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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