I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You took a bar mat shot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
