Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you had me at cake vodka
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
