Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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