Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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