life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
