I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
