I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
