At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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