Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
