I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
