oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
