I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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