I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
