Nicole vs. Life
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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