Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
