Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
