I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm passing your future prison.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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