Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dear god my vagina.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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