Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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