The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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