At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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