I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
