Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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