someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need water and some morals
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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