R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
