but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
