i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
