I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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