I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
