Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
