i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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