I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
