I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
