I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
