i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
