idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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