Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
