Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize