I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
