you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
