the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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