my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
please don't ironically join a cult
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