Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
