I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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