yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize