I wannas sexs uuuuu
Need sex. Gaining weight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
