Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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