Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
