Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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