my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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