I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize