Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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