I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
