They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
