there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
