So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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