guys are not supposed to queef...right?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
