She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
420 ftw
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
