ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
