Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
