eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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