"it" just moved
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
