dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
