TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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