when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
