He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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