If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
