Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize