i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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