your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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