You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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