hotel room ftw
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
