I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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