I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
