His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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