I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
