We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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